Hee Haw Jones
2017-04-14 18:07:54 UTC
Dirty little secrets
Many Bible Belters will brag about their God-fearin', small-
town values. However, they do so because they are blissfully
ignorant of the drawbacks and inconsistencies of living in
socially backwards towns. As another website critical of
religious extremism puts it, the Bible Belt "is an area with
the highest divorce, murder, STD/HIV/AIDS, teen pregnancy,
single parent homes, infant mortality, and obesity rates in the
nation. As a region, the Bible Belt has the poorest health care
systems and the lowest rates of high school graduation."
The Poor Health Belt
Mississippi: the buckle on the obesity belt.
Many Bible Belters have poor diets (e.g., "I'm a meat and
potatoes man") and rarely exercise. The result is to be
expected: This area of the U.S. has the highest obesity rate in
the country, and most likely the world. Or, as a doctor
conducting a mobile free clinic in New Orleans put it, "What
used to be called the Bible belt the Southern states is now
called the stroke belt, the HIV belt, the hypertension belt. We
have a high rate of hypertension, probably the highest rates in
Interestingly, the South Pacific Islands (other than Papua New
Guinea), which are often considered the "world's Bible belt"
because of their high evangelical Protestant membership, have
the highest obesity rate in the world as well.
US death rates for lung cancer
Some of the highest rates of smoking-related deaths are found
in the Bible Belt. This is at least partly due to tobacco being
grown here and the influence of the tobacco industry on local
politics, but it may also be due to higher rates of
The Divorce Belt
The Bible Belt leads the nation in divorce, as you might
expect among people who go on and on about the "sanctity of
marriage". Meanwhile, those liberal heathens in New England
tend to have the lowest divorce rates.
The Swinger Belt
You would think that fundy parents would have realized by now
that enforcing sexual repression on their kids just makes them
hornier. Maybe that explains why the Bible Belt is one of the
nation's hotbeds for swingers.
Belt of Four Deadly Sins and only One Heavenly Virtue
Geographers from Kansas once tried to plot the seven deadly
sins on a map. All combined it turns out that people are the
most sinful in Washington, the south-east coast and the Bible-
Belt. Meanwhile, those in the Midwest and Rust Belt are the
least sinful. People from the Bible-Belt tend to be more
charitable, given that it has less income inequality than the
rest of the United States outside of the Midwest, but they are
more envious, wrathful and lustful than the rest of the United
States, due to the higher amount of crime and sexually
transmitted disease per capita. Due to how sinful they were,
they ended up being one of the regions in the United States
with the highest amount of pride.